


Justified

by delawana



Series: Time to be Storytellers Weekly Prompts [3]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Kirkwall (Dragon Age), Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-31 06:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21095141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delawana/pseuds/delawana
Summary: On the road away from Kirkwall, Anders weighs exactly how just his actions were to the people around him.





	Justified

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the [Reddit weekly prompt](https://www.reddit.com/r/dragonage/comments/dk3w08/spoilers_alloctime_to_be_storytellers_the_dragon/f4b8h8j/) "When it is just you and I, the world around us fades and nothing else matters." as part of the love interest POV theme.

The road away from Kirkwall was desolate and lonely. Hawke hadn’t said anything since they left the city, and what was there to say? They were outlaws now, apostate mages with none of the protections granted by her title of Champion. He wanted to be sorry about it. He should feel bad for his actions, if only because of how they’d affected the woman he loved, but he didn’t. The destruction of the chantry, the igniting of all out war between Templars and mages, all of that had been necessary to free the mages from their bondage. The ends had justified the means. All the lies he had told, the death he had caused, it would be worth it eventually.

She had known what he was working toward. She had even helped throughout the years. She should have taken him at his word that he would break her heart; there was nothing left of the man he once was. Why was she still here? She’d had the chance to walk away, and yet she still followed him into this future about which nothing was certain except that they would be hunted.

When they prepared to rest as the sun began to set behind the mountains, Hawke pulled out a flask from her pack and took a swig, not bothering to offer any to him.

“I hope we pass a distillery somewhere; I’m going to need a lot more rum.”

That was just Hawke all over, wasn’t it. Staying silent for hours until the opportunity presented itself for alcohol-related glibness. Still, her breaking the silence provided an opportunity to try to talk to her about what had happened.

“I’m sorry.”

“No you aren’t. You don’t feel any remorse for what you’ve done, do you?”

He didn’t respond. Did he truly need to confirm what she already knew?

Her question remaining unchallenged, she continued, her face hardening in anger. “You said it would be just for me to have executed you. How could you have even asked that of me? You like to talk about justice, where was it for me?!”

Expression turning to one of loathing, her blue eyes flashed and her hand tightened around her staff. A dark mist began to swirl around her. She looked beautiful and terrible, as though possessed by her own spirit of vengeance. The ground beneath him began to shake and he threw down his own staff to the ground; he deserved whatever retribution she wanted to wreak upon him. Sparks of lightning crackled in the air between them.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve taken from me? Everything I worked for, everything I built for ten years, gone in an instant. And that isn’t even the worst part. I’ve had to start over before. I would have gladly rebuilt from the ashes of my former life with you, but you _lied_ to me. I trusted that at the very least you would have had more respect for me than that, whatever you meant to do. How can I trust you?”

“You can’t.”

A bolt of lightning knocked the wind out of him. She was holding back - that could have been much worse. Andraste’s knicker weasels but it was painful though.

“There had to have been another way. I would have helped you, we would have found it together!”

“There wasn’t.”

The next jolt was stronger and brought him to his knees. When he tried to stand again he felt a force pushing him down, compelling him to stay where he was, and noticed Hawke’s open, downward facing left hand.

“Perhaps it’s my fault. I knew when you asked for help that what you were doing must be wrong. You _blackmailed me_ and I still did it, blind as I was for love of you. Maker forgive me, I killed them all just as much as you did. Whatever else I have done, I have comforted myself with the knowledge that I was not a murderer of innocents. You took that from me too,” she said bitterly.

“Why did you come with me?”

She paused, the maelstrom around her fading softly into the air. The pressure against him began to lose it’s hold and she leaned against her staff for support, bowing her head.

“Because I love you.” She spoke softly but with a sharp edge of steel ringing her words. “I wish I could stop. If I could just turn off how I feel about you it would be easier. But I can’t. When it is just you and I, the world around us fades and nothing else matters. But it’s never just you and I, is it?”

She was biting the inside of her lip, like she so often did when she was upset but wanted to maintain a facade of strength. The hatred had left her eyes only to be replaced by something worse: a sadness that rebuked him more than any of her angry words. It was his worst nightmare, the culmination of all his warnings to her. He’d finally caused the hurt he’d promised, and it began to tear at him. Justice for mages had driven him for so long that he had forgotten to be just to her, the woman he loved more than anything in the world.

He got up slowly, wary that she might send another bolt of lightning in his direction, and stood in front of her. He opened his hands to her, inviting her to touch him if she wanted, if she was ready for that kind of contact. He wanted to hold her with every fibre of his being. The part of him that was still him craved comfort after the events he had set into motion, but he could not force that need on her unwillingly. For once, he and Justice were in perfect agreement.

Her staff fell to the ground, landing with a thud in the dirt, and she put her arms around his waist. She rested her head on his shoulder and he could feel her eyes squinting against his neck. She always did that when she was trying to force herself not to cry. What had he done to her?

“Oh, love,” he said, wrapping his arms tightly around her and stroking the back of her neck with one hand.

“I can’t lose you too.” Her voice was muffled by his coat. “I can’t. I don’t want to be alone.”

He lifted her head gently to face him and pressed his forehead against hers.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and actually meant it. Nothing he could do would make up for what he had done to her, but he could try.


End file.
